FedEx Up

Ethel and I signed up for the Sunset Wine Club last year. I seemed like a good idea - each month, they send us two bottles of wine along with a couple of recipes that pair nicely with the wines. But like many "good ideas," the devil is in the details.

Our first shipment showed up on our porch as expected. No signature required (despite all sorts of warnings on the box about a signature being required).

The next few months were less "cool." The delivery needed a signature (it's the law, wine is alcohol) - no one could explain why the first shipment was left with no signature. So once a month one a tag would appear on our front door and the next day one of us would work from home and wait for the FedEx guy to show up with the wine. It wasn't ideal, but it was workable.

But then in May, no FedEx door tags showed up. We decided that the program we had enrolled in was only for a year. We were wrong. In mid-June, we got a door tag. WTF. Out of the program, back in. Things were busy, so we just decided to let the FedEx man make repeated attempts at delivering, and then we'd go to their depot to pick up the wine.

But he never came back. We waited a couple of weeks and then called FedEx. Check it - the delivery guy decided we were never home, so why bother trying to deliver the wine (how about "because we're paying you to do it asshole?"). Not only that, but he (she?) also said we had refused the shipment, so they sent it back to Sunset.

The wine people called us to ask what was going on, I explained the story. They mentioned that our July wine had just been returned as well (FedEx - I'm keeping score - you're 0 for 3). They suggested switching to UPS, or calling FedEx to ask them what was going on.

I called FedEx - they apologized and told me they had two shipments and said they would make arrangements to have these two shipments waiting for me at their Home Delivery terminal for Saturday pickup. Surprise, Saturday arrived and only one of the shipments was there. The lady there asked if I wanted to take that one, or to save myself a trip and come back for both at the same time (uhm, duh!). The other was back at the "not open on Saturday" depot.

I called again and was told "oh, yeah, we sent it to them, but they sent it back." Great, thanks SFB ("Shit For Brains"), you might have called and mentioned it so I wouldn't have wasted the trip. SFB also said "if you have the shipper label the package as 'for home delivery' it will go right to the "open saturday" Home Delivery terminal.

Surprise.. The box that the most recent shipment came in (converted to a cat toy) is clearly marked "Home Delivery."

I gave up and called the wine people and opted for the potentially slightly more expensive but hopefully more reliable UPS delivery..