Internet Inadequacies

Twice this holiday season Ethel and I have submitted orders online, and twice we've gotten back somewhat misleading order confirmations.

The first order went to RitzPix - Ethel made a very pretty calendar using pictures we had taken throughout the year. Oh, speaking of which, RitzPix people - it's nice that your calendar application gives us the ability to add our own text throughout the year, it would be nice if we could remove yours as well. Oh, and, it's "Daylight Saving Time," not "Savings" - you had it on the calendar twice, once was right, once was wrong.

But I digress. At 8pm or so, we submitted the order. An hour later, we received an email that said our order was received and is being printed and will be ready shortly. I went by Ritz at 5pm the following day to pick up our calendar and the nice man there explained to me that the email didn't mean that the calendar was printed, it just meant that the order was entered into their system (oddly enough, he also made a typing gesture as he explained, as if to say that someone else had entered the order into the system after it had been received).

He went on to explain that their calendar printer was down and therefore they could not print the calendar there, but because of inadequacies in Ritz' software, there was no way for them to tell the big Ritz in the sky that they were only able to print pictures, not calendars. He assured me that someone from their location would put our calendar on a memory stick and drive to a different location, print the calendar and then call us when it was done.

More recently, I sent a print order to FedEx Office (formerly FedEx Kinkos - good job with the name change, though it now seems like you're competing with Microsoft Office - do you really want to do that?). It was a one pager. The receipt said it would be ready the next day by 2pm, ok - seemed reasonable. But then came an email confirmation which said "Most jobs go into production within 15 minutes of receipt."

The Fed Ex location was on my way home later that day, so I stopped in to see if my printout was ready. The nice lady took my order confirmation and walked back to the bored-looking lady sitting at the printer who took out her highlighter and highlighted the "2pm" part of the confirmation. Collectively they explained to me that it would not be ready until tomorrow at 2pm, as the confirmation said.

So here's the thing people. Twice we placed orders, and twice we received somewhat misleading confirmations. Is it really that hard to word your confirmations correctly? Maybe something like "we received your order and will contact you when it has been printed?" Or is there some reason you want me to think that my order is being printed right away (which obviously isn't the case).

FedEx Up

Ethel and I signed up for the Sunset Wine Club last year. I seemed like a good idea - each month, they send us two bottles of wine along with a couple of recipes that pair nicely with the wines. But like many "good ideas," the devil is in the details.

Our first shipment showed up on our porch as expected. No signature required (despite all sorts of warnings on the box about a signature being required).

The next few months were less "cool." The delivery needed a signature (it's the law, wine is alcohol) - no one could explain why the first shipment was left with no signature. So once a month one a tag would appear on our front door and the next day one of us would work from home and wait for the FedEx guy to show up with the wine. It wasn't ideal, but it was workable.

But then in May, no FedEx door tags showed up. We decided that the program we had enrolled in was only for a year. We were wrong. In mid-June, we got a door tag. WTF. Out of the program, back in. Things were busy, so we just decided to let the FedEx man make repeated attempts at delivering, and then we'd go to their depot to pick up the wine.

But he never came back. We waited a couple of weeks and then called FedEx. Check it - the delivery guy decided we were never home, so why bother trying to deliver the wine (how about "because we're paying you to do it asshole?"). Not only that, but he (she?) also said we had refused the shipment, so they sent it back to Sunset.

The wine people called us to ask what was going on, I explained the story. They mentioned that our July wine had just been returned as well (FedEx - I'm keeping score - you're 0 for 3). They suggested switching to UPS, or calling FedEx to ask them what was going on.

I called FedEx - they apologized and told me they had two shipments and said they would make arrangements to have these two shipments waiting for me at their Home Delivery terminal for Saturday pickup. Surprise, Saturday arrived and only one of the shipments was there. The lady there asked if I wanted to take that one, or to save myself a trip and come back for both at the same time (uhm, duh!). The other was back at the "not open on Saturday" depot.

I called again and was told "oh, yeah, we sent it to them, but they sent it back." Great, thanks SFB ("Shit For Brains"), you might have called and mentioned it so I wouldn't have wasted the trip. SFB also said "if you have the shipper label the package as 'for home delivery' it will go right to the "open saturday" Home Delivery terminal.

Surprise.. The box that the most recent shipment came in (converted to a cat toy) is clearly marked "Home Delivery."

I gave up and called the wine people and opted for the potentially slightly more expensive but hopefully more reliable UPS delivery..