Astronaut in Campbell

I was crossing through the Campbell Light Rail station the other day; there was a man standing at the edge of the platform taking a leak. He tried to hide it, but it was pretty obvious what he was doing (no, I didn't take a picture, perv). I thought "loser, get a bathroom" but (atypically) kept my mouth shut :)

Then I was reading the news, and I realized the "loser" wasn't a loser at all, he was an astronaut! Holy crap, an astronaut The space station's toilet was backed up and he came by Campbell to relieve himself. Had I known he was a famous astronaut, I'd have asked for an autograph (after he washed his hands, of course).

American Airlines Brain Trust

I was just reading that American Airlines is going to start charging people to check bags - $15 for the first bad. Yeah, that'll solve lots of problems. I hope you didn't spend too much time thinking about it. Here's how I see it panning out..

Scenario One:
Joe Schmoe walks up to the ticket counter to check in. He's, of course, sent to a kiosk. The kiosk asks if Joe is checking a bag; Joe doesn't know any better (i.e. you haven't lost his luggage yet, nor does he know about the fee), so he says "sure". The kiosk then tells Joe there is a fee. The kiosk application is poorly written, and doesn't let Joe "cancel" so has to stand in line with the rest of the people who were nearly screwed by this new plan.

Scenario Two:
Joe Schmoe has learned his lesson - don't check bags. Instead, he uber-packs, he has everthing he needs for his 6 weeks on the road in is questionably sized duffle bag. Joe goes through security; get stuck there for a while because, of course, he has all of his worldly possessions in his duffle bag and they're curious. Not only is Joe held up, but so is everyone else.

Eventually Joe makes it through security; his plane begins boarding. Joe notices that everyone else has all of their worldly possessions, so he rushes to board first. But Joe is zone 14; so he isn't allowed to board; instead he just crowds around the agents agent (sorry, right, you're cutting costs, there's only one agent per plane) checking passengers in.

Finally, Joe boards. And would you believe the overhead bins are full? Great, now what. Of course, we know what comes next, Joe has to check his bag. So do all of the other shmoes whose bags don't fit. Every last stinking one of them.

Did you see how that worked - you made a few dollars off of the people who checked their bags, but I bet you spent more in fuel costs while the plane sat idling while all of those bags were checked at the last minute!

It's all Greek to me

I was flipping through the Mercury News yesterday and saw this ad for the Greek Festival:

Ethel and I went a few years ago, it was fun. Not quite the same as going to Greece, but there's less chance of luggage getting lost. I think we're going to have to give it a miss this go-round though, unless we get the flux capacitor in the Prius replaced.

Get it? Ok, look at the ad, the date is wrong - it says 2007, but it's 2008 now. I envision the people who ran this ad having had this discussion leading up to running it going like this:

Spiro: Dimitri, we need to run an ad in the paper for the festival
Dimitri: We had lots of people last year, we should run the same ad
Spiro: That's a great idea, I wish I had thought of it
Dimitri: That's why I make the big bucks

And so Spiro went off and found last year's ad and sent it in to the Merc.. Oopsie..

Election [Training]Coverage

A few months back, I saw an ad somewhere that said election officers were needed. I thought it might be fun - be a part of the system, work the polls, etc, so I signed up for it.

Well, it was certainly different. Part of the "job" includes a 3+ hour training class with other people who've also signed up. To say they come from all walks of life is an understatement. Some were big, some were small; one woman in class was a klepto (she stole my handouts; claimed they were her own; when I pointed to my pen still clipped to them she nearly claimed that to be her own as well).

Class consists of both lecture and some hands-on work (setting up the voting machines, how to process voters, etc). Along the way, people ask the most amazing questions. For example, when setting up the voting machine, one trainee asked "which is the front and which is the back" - I suppose that's a reasonable question if you've never seen a television or computer (for those wondering, the "front" is the part with the screen, the "back" is the part with the power cord, just like your computer monitor).

Another question which sort of demonstrated the lack of logical thinking that was going on came up when discussing when it's appropriate to ask for ID and when it's not (it's only appropriate to ask for ID when the registration book says it is). The instructor was going through the list of what is and what is not appropriate, the following dialog took place:

Trainee: Is a green card an appropriate ID?
Trainer: No
Trainee: Why not, it has a name, photo, and address
Trainer: Ok, if you put it that way, it is. But a person who has a green card is not a citizen
Trainee: So?
Trainer: You need to be a citizen to vote in the United States
Trainee: Ohh....

It's funny now, but I know that when election night rolls around and I'm stuck in a room with a bunch of dumb people, I'm not going to be a happy camper.

Like a good neighbor...

Some new neighbors moved in a couple of months ago. They seemed pretty normal, though one has to wonder why two straight 40-something men are living together. It reminds me a bit of the Odd Couple actually - can two divorced men share an apartment together without driving eachother crazy - except that I don't know that either of them is divorced (never thought to ask), and it's me that's being driven crazy.

It started shortly after they moved in - one of them, I'll call him Marlboro Man smokes. No big deal, sure, I think it's a pretty disgusting habit and he no doubt flicks his lit cigarettes out the window while driving down the road costing millions of dollars worth of fire damage, but that's his problem not mine. His smoking became my problem as soon as the weather got warmer..

You see (any Rocky Horror fans in the crowd?), he doesn't smoke inside, he only smokes outside on his front porch. And as fate would have it, there's some sort of physics-defying vortex between his front porch and my bedroom window. As a result, when my window is open and he's smoking, his smoke comes into my house. WTF! You don't want to make your house smell, but it's ok for mine to smell? I think not.

But the smoking is nothing compared to what his roommate does. Whenever Marlboro Man is off for the weekend with his girlfriend, the roommate - I'll call him David Lee Roth because he's got a penchant toward loud and obnoxious behavior - goes downtown and gets hammered. Ok, no biggie, that's what downtown is there for, as long as you're not driving nor puking in my bushes, I'm ok with it.

But the thing is, when Bono gets home at 2am when the bars close, he cranks up his stereo, then proceeds to pass out (in a pool of vomit I suspect). Again, WTF. If you're going to sleep, can you turn the music off? The first time it happened I walked over there (3am) and banged on the door (knocking didn't work, the music was too loud) and he sheepishly said "too loud?"

The next weekend, same deal.. I banged on the door at 2:30am and WOKE HIM UP. He answered the door pissed that I had woken him up and said "Again?!?" Right, it's my fault that I woke you, won't happen again.

The third time it happened I ignored it and then sent a letter to the homeowner association :)

And that nearly worked. Until this weekend. Sunday morning 2am rolls around, they both come stumbling back home with some friends and are quiet (apart from confusion as to how the steps and front door work). Then a few minutes later there's a two-way radio noise out front, and I'm thinking "ha, someone called the cops on you, serves you right." But I looked outside and saw a taxi cab - they were in the middle of a LOUD and tearful goodbye as they sent their party friends home in a cab.

Ethel told me it's wrong to be passive aggressive, but I'm seriously thinking about pointing our subwoofer at the wall we share with them and cranking up the base at around 7am next Sunday..