Like a good neighbor...

Some new neighbors moved in a couple of months ago. They seemed pretty normal, though one has to wonder why two straight 40-something men are living together. It reminds me a bit of the Odd Couple actually - can two divorced men share an apartment together without driving eachother crazy - except that I don't know that either of them is divorced (never thought to ask), and it's me that's being driven crazy.

It started shortly after they moved in - one of them, I'll call him Marlboro Man smokes. No big deal, sure, I think it's a pretty disgusting habit and he no doubt flicks his lit cigarettes out the window while driving down the road costing millions of dollars worth of fire damage, but that's his problem not mine. His smoking became my problem as soon as the weather got warmer..

You see (any Rocky Horror fans in the crowd?), he doesn't smoke inside, he only smokes outside on his front porch. And as fate would have it, there's some sort of physics-defying vortex between his front porch and my bedroom window. As a result, when my window is open and he's smoking, his smoke comes into my house. WTF! You don't want to make your house smell, but it's ok for mine to smell? I think not.

But the smoking is nothing compared to what his roommate does. Whenever Marlboro Man is off for the weekend with his girlfriend, the roommate - I'll call him David Lee Roth because he's got a penchant toward loud and obnoxious behavior - goes downtown and gets hammered. Ok, no biggie, that's what downtown is there for, as long as you're not driving nor puking in my bushes, I'm ok with it.

But the thing is, when Bono gets home at 2am when the bars close, he cranks up his stereo, then proceeds to pass out (in a pool of vomit I suspect). Again, WTF. If you're going to sleep, can you turn the music off? The first time it happened I walked over there (3am) and banged on the door (knocking didn't work, the music was too loud) and he sheepishly said "too loud?"

The next weekend, same deal.. I banged on the door at 2:30am and WOKE HIM UP. He answered the door pissed that I had woken him up and said "Again?!?" Right, it's my fault that I woke you, won't happen again.

The third time it happened I ignored it and then sent a letter to the homeowner association :)

And that nearly worked. Until this weekend. Sunday morning 2am rolls around, they both come stumbling back home with some friends and are quiet (apart from confusion as to how the steps and front door work). Then a few minutes later there's a two-way radio noise out front, and I'm thinking "ha, someone called the cops on you, serves you right." But I looked outside and saw a taxi cab - they were in the middle of a LOUD and tearful goodbye as they sent their party friends home in a cab.

Ethel told me it's wrong to be passive aggressive, but I'm seriously thinking about pointing our subwoofer at the wall we share with them and cranking up the base at around 7am next Sunday..

Trick or Treat?

Halloween came and went, without trick or treaters this year. How sad. Don't get me wrong, we're never overwhelmed by trick or treaters - we usually get less than 10 kids (more candy for me?) but this year there were none. And I think I know exactly who to blame.

It would be the Nazi neighbor who got the people across the street evicted. Damn her. So what if he was (past tense) in a gang and and his friends played handball in the parking lot across the street from my house (yes, my house, not yours). What business is it of yours? I'm sorry he scared you.

Did you ever consider talking to him? No, not through the police, I mean like actually saying hello. I did. When I saw him, I said hello. And he said hello back. It was almost like he was a real person. Now he's gone as are his cousins are gone (my trick or treaters). It's quiet in the neighborhood now - that would be the lack of kids playing I think. I wonder what their lives are like now, where they ended up. I bet they don't have a front yard to play in anymore. But that doesn't matter, because you're not afraid. Some people confront their fears, you get yours evicted. I can't wait to see who moves in next. Registered sex offender maybe?

Was it you who called the police about the beat up pickup truck parked our front houses the other day? Did that bother you too? Because someone was living in it? Here's the thing.. Someone who is living in their car probably doesn't have a lot of money, so when their truck (read "home") gets impounded, they're probably not going to be able to get it back..

Congratulations, you just made someone's life go from bad to worse. And for what? Do you can go on pretending you're better than them.

When does it end?