Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

Ethel told me that the way to tell whether someone in Europe is an American tourist is by their footwear - they're the ones wearing white sneakers. I decided I didn't want to look like an American anymore, not until after the next election anyway, so I bought a new pair of shoes.

I looked long and hard, and found a really cool pair. They're totally stylin' (thanks Urban Dictionary). And, get this, they're environmentally friendly. The soles are even made from old tires! It was like Hanukah Chanukah חנוכה Hanukkah all over again this morning when the UPS man showed up.

Frosty the Snowman

I was watching Frosty last night and saw a couple of things worth noting:

1. Even back in 1969 when the cartoon was made, people were ignoring global warming. You can tell because Frosty says that the North Pole is the only place he can go to avoid melting. We all know (most of us anyway, hint hint) that even the North Pole isn't immune to its effects. Frosty's destined to be a cloud of Christmas steam.
   
   
2. The song goes:Publish Post

   ...
   He led them down the streets of town
   Right to the traffic cop.
   And he only paused a moment when
   He heard him holler "Stop!"
   ...
   

   There you have it, the origin of society's belief that traffic laws don't need to be obeyed.

Maybe it's time for a newer, better Frosty. One who is not ignorant of the world around him, or the law. And while we're redoing him, let's lose the corn cob pipe, and maybe go with "two eyes made out of tofu"?

Butt, Butt

Another butthead driving the streets of California. I was sitting behind this guy and saw her toss a cigarette out the window:
If you look really closely, you can sort of see it, just to the left of the car. It looks like a Newport maybe. Ok, I made the Newport part up, but I bet one of the CSI: teams could figure out what kind it was.

Lady, are you stupid? Did you see all of the fires in San Diego last week? Some of them no doubt started because someone tossed a lit cigarette out their window as they drove down the road. You're right, the pavement isn't going to catch on fire, but don't you think this is a bad habit to develop?

To help you break the habit, I'm on the phone with 1-800-TELL-CHP reporting you now. If you get a letter in the mail, you can thank me - Dorkenhoff, Milton Dorkenhoff, Litter Stopper.