Business Opportunity for Phishers

Ugh, people, learn the language, ok? You just sent me this:

Notification from Visa U.S.A.

VISA Credit Cards Online, Department Notice

You have received this E-mail because you or someone else had used your Account from different locations. For security purposes, we required to open an investigation on this matter.
In order to safeguard your Account , we require you to change your VISA Password and confirm you Banking Details.

To help speeding up this process , please access the fallowing link so we can complete verification form Online.

To get started, please click the link below:
http://tamco-inc.co.jp/www.visa.com/us/personal/en/cardholderservices/secure/update/index.htm

Please note:

If we do not receive the appropriate Account Verification within 48 hours , we will assume this VISA Credit Card Account is fraudulent and it will be suspended. The purpose of this Verification is to ensure that your VISA has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud from our Community.
VISA Security Team

Let's start with the basics. The name of the company is Visa, not VISA. You've used both; these inconsistencies jump out. You have Internet access (which you've demonstrated by sending me this email), take advantage of it - if you're going to send things pretending to be from a bank, make sure you spell the bank name correctly.

Moving on to the first sentence in the first paragraph, why is "Account" capitalized? Wait, you're an illiterate moron, I forgot about that - let me rephrase my question. Why is "Account" capitolized? Account is not a proper noun, this email is English, not German. Therefore Account should be lowercase ("account" in case you're unsure).

And what's with the verbs tenses? You start out ok with "have received" but then degrade quickly with "had used" - they don't go together. Think "has used" or for more flexibility "might have used." Then you continue with "we required to open" - you might as well just say "we be dumb asses," it's just that bad.

Your spelling is another biggie. You must have access to a dictionary, no? Merriam-Webster is free. Run "fallowing" through it, see what it comes up with. Then look up "following" - see the problem?

What were you thinking when you sent plain text? Send HTML, with no images - real logos and all - they fool everyone. That way you can hide your fraudulent URL with something that looks normal. I speak English (you don't), I read from left to right, so the first thing I saw in the URL you sent me was "tamco-inc.co.jp" - that's not Visa, it's tamco-inc. They're different - I can tell. I'm not even a rocket scientist and I can tell. Want to bet that most other people who read your note can tell also?

Here's a thought - you want to make money, I want to make money. I'm a capitalist. Sorry, I mean I'm a capitolist. How about if I help you out - you write up your spam, and then send it to me. For a small fee, I'll correct your grammar and anything that will jump out at others. Deal?

Fraudulent eBay sellers, this offer applies to you too. You know who you are - the brand new, never been opened, unlocked iPhone seller. I can help you too. Act now!

Shhhh, it's a secret

Ugh, another TWENTY TWO MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS. I'm already totally loaded, so if someone else wants to claim my portion of this, please do:

MR AHMADU URBAN
THE MANAGER OF AUDIT & ACCOUNTANCY DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICAN /B.O.A
OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA-FASO

( READ CAREFULLY AND KEEP SECRET)

Greeting, and how are you doing?I hope fine.Please let this my message do not be a surprise to you because i got your information and lay trust in you before i contacted you.I am the MANAGER OF AUDIT & ACCOUNTANCY DEPARTMENT of our bank and i decided to contact you over this financial transaction worth the sum of TWENTY TWO MILLION,THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($22,300,000.00).This is an abandoned fund that belongs to the one of our bank foreign customers who died along with his completely family on 25th oct,2002 in a plane crash disaster.
I was very fortune to came acroos the deceased file when i was arranging the old and abandoned customers files of 2004-2005 in other to submit to the bank managements accordingly for documentation purposes.It is clearly stated in our BANKING FOREIGN POLICY and signed lawfully that if such fund remains unclaimed by the NEXT OF KIN till the period of TEN(10) years starting from the date when the beneficiary died, the money will be transferred into the BANK TREASURY as an unclaimed fund.Besides,it is not authorized by the law guiding our bank for a citizen of BURKINA FASO to make the claim of the fund.
So the request of you as a foreigner is necessary to apply for the claim and transfer of the fund smoothly into your reliable bank account as the NEXT OF KIN to the deceased.When the fund is transferred into your account,FOURTY PERCENT(40%) will be for you in an assistance and in provision of the bank account,while SIXTY PERCENT (60%) will be for me. If you are really sure of your integerity, trustworthy and confidentiality,reply with your contact necessary for the transfer and call me as you so that i will let you know the steps to follow in order to finalize this transaction immediately.I will be waiting for your urgent reply.

My regards to you and your family,
MR AHMADU URBAN

Water Water Everywhere..

Our house came with sprinklers, lots of sprinklers - every 6 feet or so. If we had a lawn, that would be great. But we don't. In California's climate, a lawn is a waste of water. Instead, we have lots of woodchips, a bunch of plants that came with the house, and oodles of potted plants.

Rather than waste water by watering the plants that came with the house and the barren spots, we thought it would be environmentally conscientious to replace some of the popup sprinklers (the ones that water the barren patches) with manifolds and some drip lines that target the areas where there are actually things growing.

Seemed a no-brainer to me. The Homeowner Association thought otherwise. They had this to say:

Any changes or additions must have no financial impact on the HOA now and in the future. This includes:

1. If the home is sold, the pop-up sprinklers must be replaced and in working order prior to sale, or the new owner must agree to accept financial responsibility for replacement of the sprinklers. (In lieu of this requirement, you might consider leaving the existing sprinklers and adding the drip system to cover your current requirements.)
2. You accept responsibility for maintenance of the drip system.
3. You agree to be billed, as part of your normal HOA assessment, for any additional landscape costs, if any, as a result of the drip system.
4. You agree that the potted plants will be consistent with the look and feel of the community.
5. You agree to be guided by the Board as to the number of pots on your property.

Let me think about that for a minute.

Ok, item 1, I can just add my own additional drip system rather than taking advantage of all of the work that's already been done.

That seems a little extreme. Assuming I do it "on the cheap," I'd just hang something off of my garden faucet. But weren't you the same people who sent me a letter (real mail, 72 point font) saying I couldn't leave my garden hose in my front yard? I can't imagine you would appreciate an ugly box hanging off my front faucet to run my additional drip lines.

Item 3 - seems reasonable. But since I'll be saving you water, will I be reimbursed for what I save? No, I thought not.

Item 4 - my potted plants will be consistent with the rest of the community. Let's see; there's the neighbor with the dead lavender - that's certainly something to strive for. Hers is lying down on its side - do I need to do that? I suppose I can, but it looks, uhm, lame. Board-approved, but lame nonetheless.

And, of course, item 5 - I agree to be guided by the board. Yeah, I'm sure I'll do that. Sight unseen following the board's guidelines. Are you guys growing (and processing) poppies? Did I strike you as the type to blindly follow leadership? Did you know that many years ago a colleague told my boss I "needed therapy" because I refused to blindly follow him (the colleague, not the boss - the boss I would have blindly followed)? Yeah, I'll give that a miss.

Ok, I'm done thinking. No, thanks. I'll continue wasting water like the rest of the community. But thanks for giving it some thought.. Really, I appreciate your open-mindedness and concern for the environment.

My Tax Dollars at Work

I had to laugh when I read a story in the San Jose Mercury News the other day.

The Campbell Planning Commission was discussing how and where to place "Welcome to Campbell" signs. Commissioner George Doorley had this to say:

If it’s not an attractive area, such as San Tomas Expressway, people don’t need to know they’re in Campbell

Thanks for playing along George, there are some nice parting gifts for you backstage.

What were you thinking? Ignoring for the moment that you've probably just offended anyone who happens to live in the San Tomas Expressway area (perhaps an apology is in order?) , don't you think that maybe you can be a bit more constructive here - you know, look for ways to improve these areas that embarrass you, rather than just pretending they don't exist? "Out of sight, out of mind" seems like a pretty bad way to run a city.

Didn't we learn that from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina?

The 'hood is hoppin'

My neighborhood has been pretty a pretty hopping place lately. A few days ago, some kids got caught shoplifting at a liquor store in downtown San Jose. A security guard caught them, but they broke free ("if you love someone, set them free; if they return to you, send them to jail?") and the fled.

And where did they flee to? My neighborhood, of course; we seem to be a magnet for this sort of thing. The abandoned their car (no mention as to whether it was stolen or not) in the parking area behind a neighbor's house and took off on foot.

A neighbor (dare I say "fearmonger") sent out an email describing the event:

Last night after 10:30p.m. a red Dodge Neon, sped into our development and three young males abandoned the car and escaped the property to the street through a side yard. The vehicle was left with the keys in the ignition and lights and radio on.

One person was seen wearing a red shirt and dark shorts and another was seen wearing a white shirt and dark shorts (typical colors of the local gang). Campbell and San Jose PD came to the scene; the car was involved in a San Jose liquor store theft.

Apparently the security guard caught one person stealing a bottle of vodka, managed to get one handcuff on the person, but the guys escaped and left the scene in the red Neon that ended up in our development.

It is suspected that people affiliated with [neighbor with alleged gang ties] are involved; however no witnesses could identify the people running away, so there was nothing the police could do at the time.

Pretty cool, huh? I thought so too, at first. But something about the description didn't seem right. It took a day or so (Columbo would have been disappointed in me), but I figured out what it was. It was the colors the alleged perps were wearing. Go back and reread the blurb, see if you notice it too.

Did you see it (do you feel like you're in Mr. Roger's Neighborhood)? One of the perps was wearing a white shirt and dark shorts. As was mentioned, these are the colors of one of the local gangs). With me so far?

Another "young male" (I love the way that was written, it has all sorts of attitude behind it) was wearing red. RED - the story said another young male was wearing RED (as no mention is made of what the third perp was wearing, we'll assume he was unclothed for the time being).

You must get it by now! He was wearing RED. Red is the color of the OTHER local gang. So, we're left with a pretty significant dilemma. Did the two gangs band together to knock over this liquor store? If so, I think that's great. Admittedly, it's not so great that they knocked over a liquor store, but they're working together, demonstrating teamwork. Definitely a step in the right direction.

Or, more likely, is it the case that the story is true, but the writer has taken just a wee bit of artistic license with it in an effort to make the story seem more dramatic than it really is.

In the words of the immortal Johnny Cochrane, "if the red shirt don't fit, you must acquit."

No hablo Español

I got a piece of spam in the mail the other day from American Express. They were very excited that they now had Spanish speaking content (agents, operators, bills, who can remember). The announcement said "Si." I chuckled and said "no, I guess not."

Splish Splash iPhone's takin' a bath!

I washed my iPhony the other day. Oopsie! Ultimately, I think the DCCC is to blame. I was happily sorting things - whites in this pile, colors in that pile when they called begging for money. We got into a heated debate about whether they really needed my money any longer, and I somehow forgot to take the phone out of my pocket.

Oh well, easy come, easy go. That's what insurance is for anyway. I called Asurion, and in just two short days, I had a brand new refurbished Sony Ericsson w810i to play with (yes, I was disappointed not to get another SLVR, but the only one they had was pink).

The w810i is pretty neat. It's a bit bigger than my SLVR was. I bought a 4GB memory stick for it - I've now got something like 6 years worth of music on it. Pity the phone doesn't support A2DP (stereo Bluetooth), being tethered sucks (not that the SLVR was any better, mind you).

I put a couple of videos on the phone as well. The Peyton Manning mentor video was my first experiment (a must see!). I found something called "SUPER" to transcode assorted video formats to 3GP. The UI was way up there on the ugly scale (which I probably should have expected given the web site), but it worked. A WMV also transcoded and played (a 2 hour movie was about 120MB)..

Of course, now I'm bummed - I have this old, cheesy refurbished phone, and iPhones are $200 cheaper. Then again, I didn't run out and buy an iPhone only to have the price cut by $200 in just over two months :)