Internet Inadequacies

Twice this holiday season Ethel and I have submitted orders online, and twice we've gotten back somewhat misleading order confirmations.

The first order went to RitzPix - Ethel made a very pretty calendar using pictures we had taken throughout the year. Oh, speaking of which, RitzPix people - it's nice that your calendar application gives us the ability to add our own text throughout the year, it would be nice if we could remove yours as well. Oh, and, it's "Daylight Saving Time," not "Savings" - you had it on the calendar twice, once was right, once was wrong.

But I digress. At 8pm or so, we submitted the order. An hour later, we received an email that said our order was received and is being printed and will be ready shortly. I went by Ritz at 5pm the following day to pick up our calendar and the nice man there explained to me that the email didn't mean that the calendar was printed, it just meant that the order was entered into their system (oddly enough, he also made a typing gesture as he explained, as if to say that someone else had entered the order into the system after it had been received).

He went on to explain that their calendar printer was down and therefore they could not print the calendar there, but because of inadequacies in Ritz' software, there was no way for them to tell the big Ritz in the sky that they were only able to print pictures, not calendars. He assured me that someone from their location would put our calendar on a memory stick and drive to a different location, print the calendar and then call us when it was done.

More recently, I sent a print order to FedEx Office (formerly FedEx Kinkos - good job with the name change, though it now seems like you're competing with Microsoft Office - do you really want to do that?). It was a one pager. The receipt said it would be ready the next day by 2pm, ok - seemed reasonable. But then came an email confirmation which said "Most jobs go into production within 15 minutes of receipt."

The Fed Ex location was on my way home later that day, so I stopped in to see if my printout was ready. The nice lady took my order confirmation and walked back to the bored-looking lady sitting at the printer who took out her highlighter and highlighted the "2pm" part of the confirmation. Collectively they explained to me that it would not be ready until tomorrow at 2pm, as the confirmation said.

So here's the thing people. Twice we placed orders, and twice we received somewhat misleading confirmations. Is it really that hard to word your confirmations correctly? Maybe something like "we received your order and will contact you when it has been printed?" Or is there some reason you want me to think that my order is being printed right away (which obviously isn't the case).

Musk mellonhead

Ugh, people are such idiots. I was flipping through Popular Science this morning and came across an interview they did with Elon Musk. For those who don't know, Elon founded PayPal, then went on to found Space X (famous for blowing up rockets in an attempt to do things better and cheaper than NASA), and more recently Tesla Motors.

Tesla's been in the news quite a bit over the past year or two. First there were issues with their transmissions, then there were management shakeups, and most recently, issues surrounding the amount of money they had left versus the number of cars they had on order, and so on. I wonder if
Bernie Madoff was a Tesla board member. Hmm, if the shoe fits..

Sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, the interview. Holy crap. Talk about hypocritical. When asked whether he lived a green lifestyle, Elon replied:

I'm not too hardcore about being green. I think it leads to a very constrained life. I have the Roadster and a Porsche Turbo. But once the sedan comes out, I'll hand in the Porsche. Waste is not good, but we can't conserve our way to a solution. If everyone were a super-green conservationist, it would just delay the inevitable. We have to find sustainable means of producing and consuming energy.

Whoa! It leads to a constrained lifestyle? What does that mean? How are you constrained? do you mean if you drive a fuel-efficient car you can't do 150mph down the freeway? Sure, I'll give you that. Are there any freeways around that have a 150mph speed limit? No, I thought not.

You're right, we can't conserve our way to a solution. So let's just blow all of the resources we have now and completely fuck up the environment. Screw it, we can't fix it, so let's just live it up now, while we still can. Good plan. Dickhead. Exactly the attitude I expect from you. Thank you for not disappointing me.

Utter Cat-tastrophe

Today I did something I've never done before. I took Matt (as in "door mat") the cat "to the pound." Matt showed up on our doorstep a couple of weeks ago. At first she would run when we went near her, but eventually she grew used to us, and would do this combination meow/hiss thing, which meant either "feed me" or "pet me", or maybe "there're some leaves stuck in my tail, do you mind pulling them out" (either worked). Of course, I started feeding Matt.

But unlike the feral colony I keep under the porch, Matt was sociable. Not just sociable, but demandingly sociable. She would sit at the front door day and night demanding that someone come out and pet her. It was quite amusing. But Matt seemed ill-equipped to deal with the harsh California Winter, so Ethel and I decided it would be best if we found Matt a new home.

Enter the Humane Society of Silicon Valley. I live in Silicon Valley, they're based here, I even give them money. So this morning Matt hopped (not quite willingly) into my cat carrier and we headed off to the Humane Society. After only one wrong turn (thanks Prius GPS - you said "we were there a mere 1/4 mile away from our destination!) we made it.

Matt and I went in and the nice lady at the front desk explained that the Humane Society of Silicon Valley, in fact, can only take in stray cats from Sunnyvale. As neither Matt nor I live in Sunnyvale, we were not welcomed. Matt didn't quite understand the nice lady's logic; neither did I. The fact that the name contained "Silicon Valley" was perhaps the problem. But we none the less headed off to the Silicon Valley Animal Control Authority, a mere 2 miles down the road; their name seemed more "corporate" or "authoritarian," certainly less "humane" but what else could we do.

When we got there, we met another nice lady who flirted with Matt (who, by now, was just looking to get out of the carrier and stretch her adorable fluffy tail). Thankfully, they didn't send us packing, and now Matt's got a new temporary home at the shelter, and based on what everyone said, is so adorable that she'll be adopted in no time.

So, if anyone is in the market for an absolutely adorable kitty, perhaps someone to put under the tree for that other someone special, let me know, and I'll put you in touch with the animal control people and Matt can be yours. I'll even pay the adoption costs (seriously, I will!).