Economic Stimulus Package

I try to stay up on current events, but I confess, the economic stimulus package caught me off guard. When I first heard about it, I thought it was something pornographic-related. I mean, really, "stimulus" and "package" in the same sentence? I thought maybe it was some sort of cheap vibrator.

I'm happy to say, I was completely wrong. It's not a cheap vibrator (nor an audio vibratory physio molecular transport device - for Rocky Horror fans in the crowd), it's intended to stimulate our not-recessed economy. The idea is simple - the government sends me a check, and I go and buy something with it (sadly, what I buy will likely be made in China, thus stimulating the wrong economy - will China quiver when their economy gets overstimulated?).

What a great idea Mr. President! I say, bring them on! In fact, how about this - don't send me a check; instead, just send it to Steve Jobs; and he can send me a new iPhone3G, ok?