Cruisin'

Ethel and I just got back from our vacation/honeymoon. We took a cruise on the Queen Mary 2 from New York City to the Caribbean and back. It was an incredible trip - we sailed out of Brooklyn and met the Queen Elizabeth 2 and the Queen Victoria next to the Statue of Liberty (first/last time in history the three ships will sail out of port together), then continued southward.

We'd been on the Queen Mary 2 before, so we more or less knew what to expect - an elegant causal atmosphere during the days, and formal/semi-formal evenings. We couldn't have been more wrong. I don't want to sound smug, but at least half of the passengers on the ship were best characterized as "white trash."

Take, for example, Foal (not his real name, of course - he got this name because he walked around in Indianapolis Colts attire for much of the trip - I had started out calling him "Colt Boy" but switched to "Foal" because it's so close to "Fool").

We left on January 13, the same day as the Colts were playing the San Diego Chargers. The ship showed the game on a television in one of the bars onboard. There were 50 or so people in the bar watching it (Ethel and I included); most were refined, just watching. Not Foal. No, definitely not. He was jumping up and down, swearing at the TV. Before coming to the bar, I don't think many people cared who won the game, but Foal managed to turn everyone into Chargers fans; the power of negative reinforcement in action.

The crew was stressing hygiene. Everywhere you went where there was food, there were soap dispensers and/or crew with portable soap bottles trying to squirt soap into your hands. On the one hand, it was very reassuring. But on the other hand, it was utterly pointless. They were trying to avoid an outbreak of norovirus - a noble cause. But it's norovirus, not norobacteria, so I can't imagine an antibacterial soap would have any effect.

As the saying goes, "my hands were clean." But it didn't matter. So many other people weren't, it was nigh impossible not to be exposed to whatever everyone else brought on board. One man was totally disgusting. I saw him at the juice machine. He drank the last bits in his water bottle, and then shoved his bottle under the spigot from the machine, touching it, and started to refill the bottle.

I cringed when I saw this, which he for some reason understood to mean "can I get in there and fill my glass with your backwash?" and offered to move aside for me. I said "no, that's disgusting" and said I saw his bottle touch the spigot. He denied it. I said I saw it, and he responded by apologizing. Well, an apology, that'll work. Yes, I see all of the germs dying now thanks to your apology.

Thankfully, there were many other places to eat and many gorgeous islands to get off the ship at so we didn't have to spend too much time hanging with the huddled masses yearning to share their germs.

On the Debate

Ethel and I watched the ABC Facebook Debate the other night. I didn't quite get the whole facebook part of it. I guess if I got off my ass and looked at the URL they mentioned it would have made more sense, but that's not really the point of watching TV, is it..

We didn't bother watching the Republicans. The only Republican candidate we really care about is Fred Thompson, in Law & Order reruns.

The Democrats, that's where the meat is.. Bill Richardson scared me. He's the epitome of American glut. I can't see voting for him. What's with the hair Bill - was that a toupe? If it wasn't, you might want to get one, it'd look more realistic.

And would you stop banging the table under the microphone? Please? Yes, we're all excited about you and the things you've done. Note, however, that even when asked about your plans, you focussed on things you had done in the past. That's nice, but it doesn't answer the question, not directly anyway. It answers it indirectly though - in the future, when asked a question, you will answer a different one. That would put you on par with our current administration (hint: that's not good).

John (Edwards).. I'm not sure what to think about you. You seemed sincere, but you also seemed to be Barack's wingman, not really standing on your own. Did you guys plan that, or is it just how it worked out? It's almost like you've decided he's going to win the nomination and you're sucking up to be VP already. Don't worry, if he wins, I'm sure he'll choose you (choosing Hillary would mean two firsts should the party win, that's a bit of a stretch, no?)

Barack/Hillary.. I don't know. I wish I could vote for both of you. Wait, I can. Is it too late to register in Florida?

I'll have the botchulism burger please

The regular grill guy is still on vacation, but he seems to have trained his assistant well. I had the grill special today in the cafeteria - it was a meatball sub more or less.

While GrillBoy was grilling my roll, a guy came up behind me in line. He asked for a hamburger. GrillBoy went back to the refrigerator and pulled out a patty and threw it on the grill, then proceeded to take my roll off the grill, with the same gloved hand he had just touched the burger with.

No way! I can just about feel the e-coli coming on now!