Rubberneckers

For those not familiar with the term, here's the dictionary.com definition of a rubbernecker:

rubbernecker: n 1: a tourist who is visiting sights of interest [syn: sightseer, excursionist, tripper] 2: a person who stares inquisitively v : strain to watch; stare curiously; "The cars slowed down and the drivers rubbernecked after the accident"

I live in California. It's a great place to live, but sometimes I really have to sit back and wonder what makes the people here "tick." We've got traffic, just like most other places, but most of ours is completely unnecessary.

There are the late mergers - you know them - they're the people who drive along in in a lane that's going away long after it actually has gone away in hopes of squeezing past one more car (a tip for you guys - odds of me letting you in in front of me are slim to begin with, but if you can't even bother to use your signal light, the best you're going to get from me is the finger).

And there's the color-challenged - you've seen them too - they're the people who mistakenly think the law about traffic lights says "if the light was ever green, you're free to go through it, extra credit if you're up on two wheels rounding that left turn."

And let's not forget the close cousin of the color-challenged, the block the boxers. They're to be pitied. They're not actually bad drivers, they're just bad at math. Most people are able to quickly decide whether their car is longer than the amount of space on the other side of the intersection; these people are not. These are the same people, I believe, who park SUVs in spots labeled "compact" - right, I know, your SUV is small compared to some of the others - yeah, let's go with that for now.

And lastly, there's the subject group - the rubberneckers. I just don't get them. They're driving down the road doing fine, not a care in the world. And they spot a car pulled over - maybe it has a flat tire, maybe someone's getting a ticket, maybe even a small accident - it doesn't matter what's happened, the rubbernecker needs to pass by slowly so he or she can take in everything - "Ahh, look there's some debris. And there's a bit of bumper over there. Wait, I think I saw some skid marks."

It happened to me the other night - I was cruising along the freeway on my way home, and there was a small accident which backed traffic up for miles and miles. Everyone wanted to see what had happened. My 20 minute commute became almost an hour (I know, I know, other people have longer commutes, but this is, after all, my blog).

Accepting that curiosity is part of human nature and that rubbernecking is just a perverse manifestation of it, I've come up with a couple of ideas that can possibly get rubbernecking off our freeways and into our homes where it belongs:

1. A passenger-side mounted camera that films accidents so the wannabe rubbernecker can pass by the accident at normal speed but still capture the accident scene for viewing at a later (safer) time. Maybe someone will even put together a repository of these videos - kind of a combination rubbernecking/voyeur thing.
   
2. A movie of nothing but accident scenes shot from the passenger window of a car. Now rubberneckers don't even have to be on the road to enjoy a good accident scene, they can enjoy it in the comfort of their own home - seated sideways though for a more realistic experience of course.

Honk if you're a rubbernecker..

Sucky People

Boy, some people just really suck. There's no better way to say it - they just suck. Maybe they can't help themselves - nature versus nurture maybe, but they're out there, and they suck.

While shopping the other day, a kid (mid-twenties, lots of tattoos, ratty clothes, etc - you know the type - I think I'll call him Grunge Bob) came up to us asking for money. He went on about how his debit card had stopped working and he needed the money for his prescription. I actually had no money to give him at that moment, which I told him. But that wasn't good enough for Bob, (hey maybe if you had saved some of your money instead of spending it on tattoos you wouldn't need to be panhandling?) who went off shouting about how there's no holiday spirit to his friend who was accosting people down the sidewalk a bit. Up until that point, I felt bad for Bob, and was considering giving him something when I came out of the store if he was still out there (I know, that's sort of a cop out - "if he was still out there"). But shouting at me about not having holiday spirit, that's just wrong Bob.

But that's not why Bob sucks.. We were inside the store finishing up our purchases and who comes up to the register next to us? Yup, it was Bob. He had collected enough money to pay for his "prescription." He was buying the cheapest pack of cigarettes he could find. And harassing the sales clerk in the process. Is that really your prescription Bob? Nicotine? Who prescribed it, Philip Morris? I think not.

These days, there are people floating around with petitions for various bills, including adding $0.07 to the price of cigarettes - sadly there were none around at the time - it would have felt good to know that I was signing something that would make Bob's life more difficult in the future.

Bob, I'm sorry to say it, but you totally suck. You don't just suck a little, but you actually totally suck. You lied about why you wanted the money (don't get me wrong, I really didn't believe you, but you lied none the less), and then you ranted and raved about my not having any holiday spirit. I have holiday spirit Bob, I just didn't have any money. I suppose what I should have done was said "I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change" but then continued with "but I'm going into the store, so I'll bring you some when I come out." And then, in keeping with your definition of holiday spirit (lying), just blow you off when I come out of the store? Ok Bob, we'll do it that way.

Maybe in a few years, when your lungs are rotting and you're out in front of the store bumming money for another tank of oxygen we'll try things your way and see how they play out...

GB: [cough][wheeze] Can you help me out? My debit card's not working and I need to get my oxygen tank refilled
Me: Sure, I don't have any money on me right now, but let me go inside and make a purchase and then I'll give you something
GB: [hack][sputter] Great, thanks.
[5 minutes later]
GB: Hey, mister, where're you going? You promised to give me something
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry, I lied - that's holiday spirit for you.