Thanks for Playing Along

After my failed attempt at upgrading my flight a few weeks back, I wrote to United's customer service to complain about their policy. It took nearly three weeks, but they finally wrote back:

Thank you for contacting us regarding your flight on
June 28, 2006.  It is always good to hear from our
Premier Mileage Plus members.  I appreciate the
opportunity to respond.

Due to recent high travel volumes, we are experiencing
a delay in responding to our valued customers.  Please
accept my apology for not getting back to you sooner,
as well as for being unable to respond with a more
personalized reply.  From what you describe, we failed
to meet your expectations for providing good service.
Your feedback is important to us and in fact, helps us
identify our shortcomings and gives us an opportunity
to make service improvements.  Be assured that your
comments will be included in a report to the appropriate
management team for internal use.

We appreciate your business and hope you will give us a
future opportunity to restore your confidence in our
products and services.

Regards,

United Airlines Customer Relations

It seems pretty sincere, but if you really analyze what was written, there are some obvious issues. For example:

Due to recent high travel volumes, we are experiencing a
delay in responding to our valued customers.

Ok, so, you are experience delays in responding to valued customers because of high travel volumes? That seems to imply that with high travel volumes come high customer satisfaction issues, no? And that seems like a bad way to run a business.

And then there're these bits:

I appreciate the opportunity to respond. ... as well as
for being unable to respond with a more personalized reply.

So, let me see if I understand this.. It's good that I wrote to you so that you can reply, but you're busy and I'm unimportant, so a personal reply is unnecessary? Ok, makes sense. Tells me exactly where I, the customer, my place is.

And in closing:

We appreciate your business and hope you will give us a
future opportunity to restore your confidence in our
products and services.

How many chances do you want? One more? Three strikes and you're out? Did you say "pretty please with a cherry on top?" Why do you deserve another chance? What have you done to deserve my business? Why shouldn't I just find another carrier to fly with - who knows, maybe someone else out there will get it right the first time (I know, I'm a dreamer).

You're not going to believe this, but your e-mail just doesn't quite do it for me. I know, I'm high maintenance, but I need closure. Telling me that my comments "will be included in a report to the appropriate management team for internal use" means nothing to me.

Will the problem be fixed? Will your frequent flyer policies be improved to be more customer friendly? When? I know, these things take time. Your computer is old, it doesn't talk to the Lufthansa computer, etc? You know what? I don't care. That's your problem, not mine. If it becomes my problem, I'll just go elsewhere - avoid problems, that's what I do best.