Tail o' the Trail Wench

The sun is finally out here. I'm sure the Winter wasn't any longer than usual, it just seemed like it. Raining nearly every day for four months probably didn't help.

I thought I'd take advantage of the weather and hit the (bike) trail. Nice idea, sadly I wasn't the only one who had the idea. The trail wenches had the same idea and were out in force.

For those not familiar with the concept, there are essentially two types of trail wenches:

Wenchus Officius: aka the "office trail wench." The wenchus officius travel in groups of two's and three's and are typically out at noon and six pm. A wenchus officius is readily recognizable by their business attire, though they frequently wear athletic footware as well.

Wenchus Maternalus: aka the "mommy wench." As is the case with the wenchus officius, the wenchus maternalus also travel in packs of two's and three's. Unlike their counterparts though, the wenchus maternalus bring their offspring, in SUV-like strollers. In addition, their hours are unlimited. One is just as likely to run into a pack of wenchus maternalus in the morning as in the evening. The wenchus maternalus is typically attired in a two piece terrycloth outfit, matching top and bottom, often light pink or light blue.

The thing about trail wenches is, they're selfish. They care about no one but themselves. In that respect, they're like the Hummers of the pedestrian crowd. Sure, the trail is mixed use - pedestrians, rollerbladers, and bicyclists. And ultimately pedestrians do have the right of way, but trail wenches think they own the trails. For some reason, they interpret "Yield to Pedestrians" to mean "Pedestrians own the trail, pass only when we deem it so."

On its own, the attitude isn't a significant problem - anyone with an older sibling has certainly seen it. But when the attitude is combined with their pack-like behavior, it becomes unbearable. The trail wenches become an unmovable/unpassable object, out to exercise at the expense of the enjoyment of others.