Feed me Seymour

The homeowner association where I live slipped a letter under my door the other day. It included this passage:

The stray cat population is booming and an increasing number are finding it quite comfortable here at [Insert Name Here] due to the availability of food. Unfortunately, they are beginning to be a general nuisance, and there is a concern among home owners regarding their increasing numbers, the possible danger to other pets in the community, the noise from fights and mating, as well as a general health hazard due to their fecal matter in the yards. The cats are also becoming aggressive, camping out on porches in 2s and 3s, and approaching opening doors rather than running from them. In addition, leaving food out for stray cats attracts other unwanted visitors such as opossum, skunks, and rats. Therefore, I ask that food not be left outside for the stray cat population.

Yeah, so here's the problem. First, the cats aren't stray, they're feral. There's a difference - it's subtle, but it's significant. Feral cats are wild - born in the wild, live in the wild, etc (hum the "Born Free" theme song if you'd like). Stray cats, on the other hand, are formerly domesticated cats who somehow ended up out in the wild - they got lost, their owners moved, whatever.

Stray cats, because they're previously domesticated are likely to approach a person, maybe walk into a house, etc. A feral cat knows better. A feral cat will run from a person (people are bad, cats inherently know this). I'd like to think that they'd run from just about anything (apart from potential food) that approached them.

The increasing number? That number is six, and it's not increasing. It's been six for quite some time. True, it's not decreasing, but it's not increasing either. Why? The six cats are fixed. They didn't go willingly, but they went none the less (learn about why fixing feral cats is a good thing here).

Aggressively camping out on porches? Yeah, come to think of it, I did see a pair of tabbys on my porch the other day with an REI tent. But it didn't look like they were aggressively camping. They might have been, but I'm not really sure what agressive camping looks like so I can't say for sure.

As they're fixed, it seems unlikely they've got any real desire to mate. And similarly, they don't have a reason to fight. Logic 101: if a cat is fixed, it doesn't go into heat. If it doesn't go into heat, there are no fights between males for the female's "affections" (is that where the term "hot" comes from?).

And, the food attracts other animals? Yeah, it's like a freaking petting zoo - yeah, I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of alpacas ambling through my front yard the other day. Give me a break. The cats eat everything that's put out for them - you put food out, the cats eat it, the food is gone. Nothing left to attract any unwanted animals.

A feral cat doesn't know where its next meal is coming from, so its certainly not going to leave food lying around - nature just doesn't work that way. But let's say some unwanted animal did come around. Let's pretend it's a rat. There are six wild cats. Yeah, that'll be a fair fight..

It's nothing personal, but your letter hasn't really compelled me to stop putting a bit of Purina out for the locals. They were here first after all.